Sunday, December 12, 2010

Do what scares ya....

A friend of mine has "do what scares ya" on her emails below her signature. I have looked at those words many times, and thought, yeah, I'm really going to do what scares me, in other words, it ain't gonna happen.

Well, I will have to eat my words on one particular scary thing for me. I got up this morning, and it was foggy and raining outside. As a rule, I don't even drive in the rain, much less in the fog. But, today is Sunday, and I so wanted to go to church...when I miss church, something is missing in me for the rest of the week.

So, I got up and got dressed to go. As I walked out to the car, I was feeling a little nervous, and wondered if I should attempt this, since I do have a history of panic attacks. Nonetheless, I kept walking, got into my car and left. As I drove  it seemed to be getting foggier and the rain was coming down a wee bit harder the further I got from home, but I didn't feel any sense of panic. I got to church on time, and enjoyed both Sunday School and Worship immensely.  When I got out of church, it was still raining, but not foggy anymore. Strangely enough the rain didn't cross my mind as I got in my car to return home.

So, I want to thank my friend for having that on her emails. God does work in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.  Who would have ever thought four words would make an impression on someone. You never know what one might say that either challenges you or encourages you to "Step Out of the Box."

I did that today because her words challenged me, but more significant was that God was with me and showed me that I had nothing to be afraid of. God knows what a chicken I am sometimes, and he used my good friend to show me that with a simple step of faith, He will not leave me. God promises us that and it's up to us to take the risk, and do what scares ya.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Coping with my losses….Part III

Part III of this has been on hold but I am finally able to write it.  I want to convey what a wonderful role model mama was and the values she instilled in my sister and brother living her Christ-like life, while also telling about the tremendous loss we feel two plus years later.
 
It felt to me that I was fast forwarded to September, 2008, when I gave up my mother to go to her heavenly home. On September 22, 2008, she left her earthly body to go be with the Lord. I'm sure she had an escort of heavenly angels to take her to see the Master of her life. But, again, my family and I had another first Thanksgiving and Christmas; this time without the matriarch. This was the third immediate family member with whom my family had  lost up since August, 2006.

Mama was my rock after I lost my husband, even though I will admit that I would leave her crying many times because I hated seeing her so helpless in many ways.. She was 93 years old, living in a skilled nursing facility, and could do nothing on her own. She was dependent on someone else to take care of all her needs, but she was still a happy person most of the time. Sometimes, the dementia that intruded her mind made her distant and somewhat hard to get along with. Still, I knew underneath my mother was still there, still strong in her faith. .

Sometimes I looked at her in wonderment of how she was coping with her life as it was then. Before her illness about 5 years prior, she was always on the go, usually something at church, or sometimes, just being with her sisters, or as she used to say, just "playing in the dirt." The lady truly had a green thumb. I believe had she tried, she could have turned a weed into a masterpiece of art, while on the other hand, I usually was only able to turn beautiful plants into a shameful demise. 

Even though she had some moderate dementia, she never lost her memory of the Bible and its teachings, and she surprised people with her continued love and knowledge of the Lord and His Word. On her worst days...when she didn't know me, or she had gone into her own little world, her reality of the Bible, of salvation, and her love for the missions was evident when it was brought up.

As I watched mama's health decline quickly after her sister's death in July, I had many memories of her faith which was unwavering no matter what the circumstances were  Even in the last two month's of her life, she didn't complain about the fact that she had to have part of her foot amputated, and then a month later, her leg just below the knee. She just trusted God, and that was how she lived her life since the time she became a Christian when she was 33 years old. 

Now on to other memories, not as important as her faith, but they were important to us. This year I decided to bake some cookies from scratch (which actually turned out pretty good), While bravely entering into a zone where I am not really good I thought about her, and her wonderful coconut cake that she also baked from scratch...from the cake batter, frosting, and grinding her own coconut, using the milk of the cocnut to drizzle over the cake layers making it moist and drop dead good.  I had to smile to myself, wondering if she was giggling at me struggling with the simplest of cookie recipes (the recipe only had five ingredients...how hard could that be). But, you don't know me when it comes to baking. When she was able, she was in the kitchen cooking something. I used to ask her what her recipe was for some of my favorite things, and usually the answer was "a little of this, and a pinch of that, and a lot of something else," depending on what she was making. We hear the grandkids say, "I wish I could have Nanny's fried chicken one more time", or a multitude of other things that no one but Nanny could make. 

When we were growing up, we were known by today's standards as poor monetarily, but the funny thing is, we didn't know it. I wonder sometimes how mama and daddy used to keep it from us. We didn't hear complaints, we saw action on their part to make our home a happy one,despite the hardships that I now know they must have faced. God was at the head of our home, and He always provided for them and us, because they had this simple thing called faith.

Yes, I miss my mama so much, as I do my daddy, but I know that they are together again, not facing any more struggles.  So, this Christmas season, I rejoice for mama because she has met the Master, and has been reunited with my daddy who she missed so much after he went to be with the Lord in 2000. God gave us Godly parents, and I am so happy to have lived in a home filled with love. Christ is the reason for this season, and I know mama is in that Hallelujah Choir.  I miss you mama, and I know your human side didn't want to leave us, but also know that you were ready to go to your heavenly home. 

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  Exodus 20:12Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”