Getting ready for the holiday’s has always been an exciting time for me, and I’m trying to reclaim that excitement. You see, I lost three of the most wonderful people in my life in a short period of time, or least it seemed like that to me, so it has been hard to be excited.
My family has lost a whole generation in a four year period, so I’m not in this by myself, but, I believe we all cope differently, and that’s okay. I cope by writing and remembering the memories that I have.
On Thanksgiving, 2006, we had one empty chair at the table. I lost my only grandson; my son lost his only son. He was 20 years old, and so very dear to all of us. He died as a result of someone ambushing and shooting him, ultimately causing his death on August 9, 2006. How I dreaded Thanksgiving and Christmas that year. But, knowing how much he loved both holidays, we made the decision to carry on our tradition of our family gathering.
That year, I was doing okay getting everything prepared until I started to peel the sweet potatoes for the yams, his favorite. I shed tears with every potato I peeled. I remember the last Thanksgiving he was with us. He came over, and I had just taken them out of the oven. I had to go into another room for something and when I returned, he had a plate full of yams. I said, “Adam Christopher!!!” He just smiled his impish smile, and kept eating. Thankfully, I had cooked a lot of them otherwise we may have been minus the yams when we sat down to eat. Every year now, as I .cook the yams, I don’t cook as many because no one loves them like he did,. But now it makes me smile because I can still visualize him eating that plate of candied yams, and grinning at me when I yelled at him for getting into them before dinner.
Then it was time to decorate for the Christmas holidays. My heart was not really in it. But again it was a tradition, and we knew he loved Christmas. When the presents went under the tree, he was always like a little boy again…picking up each package to see if his name was on any of them. He loved getting gifts, but I believe he loved giving more. For a young man, he shopped frugally, but he always shopped for something that fit our personalities and we always loved his gifts. My greatest gift was just having him around.
Many may believe you cannot feel the presence of a loved one, but I could feel his presence with me through the holidays, and still feel his presence, especially when I have one of my “Adam” days, which is still quite often. They are not days now that I cry every time I think of him; if I cried every time I thought of him, it would be every day.
After his death, my husband and I got up many, many nights and cried together, especially as the holidays approached. My husband wasn’t his biological grandfather, but you would not have known it. He loved my grandchildren as if they were his own, and they called him Grandpa, and that was who he was to them, their grandpa.
I wasn’t attending church at the time of his death, but I was a Christian and I had to do a lot of praying to do to get through the shock and pain of losing one of the dearest things to my heart. God was with me then, as he is now. I am so thankful for a loving God who knows and understands our pain, and doesn’t judge us for missing our loved ones.
Today marked the fourth Thanksgiving that we have celebrated without our beloved Adam. But, today, the atmosphere was happier and even though we have not forgotten him, nor will we ever, and we didn’t spend all of our time quietly getting through Thanksgiving, we were able to give thanks for the family we have to love, and a time to thank God for the time we had Adam. We are able to talk about him and all the things he loved. He loved his family, he loved his animals, he loved to hunt and importantly, he loved God.
I am going to end this with a poem that I wrote one month after he became an angel and in the arms of a gracious God.
A Granny’s Memories
The time we had with you
were times that now seem like a precious few.
But those are the times that we hold so dear,
and we will never forget you for in our hearts you remain so near.
We had twenty years with you to share
and no one can ever take away how much we care.
We remember when you learned to crawl,
and we remember you when you became so handsome and tall.
We remember the times when you began to grow and explore,
always wondering what you would find behind life's next door.
You found your place on God's green earth,
Loving the land and all of its worth.
We remember that you were always a friend,
and how our memories of you make us grin.
Your name is Adam, a father, a grandson, brother, nephew, and a special son,
whom we will cherish until our time on earth is done.
Ann Dobies
September 9, 2006
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