If you follow my blogs, you already know that I lost my only grandson in 2006. Thankfully, my husband and I had each other to get us through the holidays that year. My husband's birthday was on November 29. Because he was turning 70, I had planned to have a big party for him, but given the loss we were yet not over, we celebrated quietly together. He didn't want a big party..not this year.
On Thanksgiving, 2007, we had another empty chair at the table. My beloved husband went to Heaven on June 7, 2007. He had successful surgery for esophageal cancer, and passed 8 days later when he went into pulmonary arrest. I felt like I had been sucker punched. I couldn't imagine life without him. We had just celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary on May 3, 2007, and I was looking for many more years with him. But, that wasn't to be.
Family was very important to him and Thanksgiving and Christmas was a big deal for our family. This year, though, all I could think was another part of my heart was gone. But, like we decided with Adam, we kept up with the tradition of Thanksgiving and Christmas. We were used to hearing the big voice and his laughter. And he cooked the best Prime Rib every year, which we didn't have the year of his passing. I would never attempt to to cook one...everyone still talks about his Prime Rib.
It's been three years now, and I still feel a terrible void without him. I got through Thanksgiving and it was good. We had family together, lots of food, which he would have enjoyed so much, and just enjoyed the fellowship, but I still felt the terrible pain of his absence. .
Christmas is quickly approaching, and that was his very favorite day of the year. I've never known a man who loved shopping like he did. Sometimes now when I go shopping, I look to toward the Heavens and ask God and him to help me choose the appropriate gifts. He loved the smell of cookies cooking (and ate them as fast as I could make them sometimes). He loved the Christmas tree, and all the gifts around the tree for his special people. He loved the noise as the kids played and impatiently waited until it was time to unwrap the gifts. He loved watching Christmas stories, and listening to the Christmas music. Sometimes, when we were listening to Christmas carols, I would look over at him, and noticed a tear in his eye. As much as he loved giving, he never forgot the real meaning of Christmas.
He and Adam had a special bond. They kidded with each other all the time. Once when Adam came to visit us, my husband met him at the door. He said, "Adam, I knew you were coming, I heard your radio blaring when you turned onto our street." Without even thinking about it, Adam came back and said, "That's funny Grandpa, cause I heard your TV when I passed Ms. M's house "(a neighbor 2 doors from us.) My husband stopped in his tracks, got a big grin on his face, and said, "Touche." My husband was very hard of hearing. He had hearing aids but sometimes, he didn't wear them at home, so I suspect Adam did hear our TV.
My husband had a great sense of humor. Once I whined because I couldn't go with him on a business trip (actually, I got grumpy). When he returned he handed me a gift box. When I opened it, I found a long night shirt. On the front, of it, it read, "Sometimes, I wake up grumpy, but sometimes I just let her sleep." I still have that night shirt. It's very tattered and worn, but it still makes me smile when I look at it.
This is how I get through the really rough times...remembering the funny times, and there were many. I miss my gentle giant with the big voice more than I can tell you here. Sometimes, I think I hear that voice of his, and I turn to look, but they are just sweet memories of the man I loved
I have many friends who have lost their spouse, and some of us reminisce about the sad times, and the good times. Everybody deals with their loss differently I suppose, but the one constant is that we all miss our soul mates. For whatever reason God saw fit to take them reminds me that He has a plan, and He is still in control. God is my companion and best friend, and He knows how to heal a broken heart without taking away the wonderful memories made.
And be sure of this, I am with you, even until the end of the age. Matthew 28:20
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